Emotional Psychology: After feeling safe first

[db:摘要]

Many people do not believe in love. They simply believe that love exists only in fairy tales and is an imaginary product of human imagination. Only the figures that fall on the floor and the numbers written on the bank cards are actual existence.

So we saw that when many people choose to love, there are many criteria, what conditions must be met before they will fall in love.

Of course, most of them are not so extreme, or are willing to believe in love. There are just a few other reasons to support them: The economic base decides that the upper architecture, There are love issues after the issue of food and clothing. In their eyes, they yearn for love and respect for reality.

The cruel reality is that it is very difficult for you to meet a person with extremely rich material conditions and love you very much. Such a tall handsome or white Fu Mei, doomed not your food. In this case, choosing reality or choosing love has become a problem.

Many people have chosen reality.

So we started losing faith in love. I’m a dwarf, a real cocoon, can I have my own love? Will someone come to me? Listening to the people around me talking about real problems, the child milk powder house The car, as if unable to bear these people is not worthy of love. Then began to question: Should I believe in love?

There are always some people who like him because of one’s added value and social role, rather than simply like someone.

Security is the biggest scarcity in the city. The sense of security is the primary condition for survival in this city.

The so-called sense of security is a stable, non-fearful feeling that people have in society. If anything makes you feel panicked and uneasy, then you start to feel insecure. The more you panic, the less you feel safe. Anxiety is the greatest manifestation of lack of security. Your anxiety about current and future aspects is showing your level of security in this area. If you are with a person, he still feels like this, then you do not show him a sense of security.

The same is true of feelings. In the world of feelings, security is the primary factor. Under the premise of security, love can happen. When a person feels relieved, dependent, and confident about another person’s performance, then the sense of security he has given you is successfully established. At this time, it is possible to further develop feelings. The sense of security is an instinct of human beings. Only when one considers himself to be safe, one may consider another person. In his famous theory of needs, Maslow also discusses the idea that security is a basic need but love is not.

Security comes from two aspects: controllability and certainty. If one thing you feel is within your control or is determined by you, then this matter will give you a sense of security. If you feel powerless about it, then this matter will not give you a sense of security. When a person does not get enough sense of security from the other side in emotional terms, he will pursue a sense of material security to resist feelings of lack of security.

It is easy to understand why a person who does not want to believe in love will add too much material reality to the relationship.

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Because of their world, emotions, this thing is very incompetent. Even when two people love each other when they are in love, the death of love comes alive. But how long can this passion last forever? Some funny, he is not a child of 17 or 8 years old, and he has no courage to believe in naive love. In their opinion, when two people get along, their feelings will fade. This is uncontrollable and uncertain. Therefore, feelings cannot give them a sense of security. The reality is different. It is there for the house that you land on the ground for 10 or 20 years.

Love has no shelf life. If emotions eventually die, then why not choose better conditions, at least this will make you comfortable in material life, and will not be too painful.

Even if the feelings have a shelf life, even if you still believe in feelings. However, it is still difficult for you to feel secure in your feelings, because you do not believe that material love can make you happy. What is the use of love, when you are hungry, you can eat it? Two people do not even have a house, always rent, drift, no basic sense of security, where love?

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